Come on Skanky woman talk, why are you linking to me AGAIN? I know I'm cool but damn, won't your husbands be jealous of your obsession? Maybe not, they may be glad you not talking ot them.

Oh well, have fun. Too bad I gave this blog up months ago

OK, here is how I am going to end the TV series LOST:

All gathered on the beach, the survivors of the Oceanic plane crash are confused and worried. They argue amongst themselves about what is happening. Suddenly Jack speaks up:
Jack: "Everybody calm down, it's going to be ok"
Michael: "Don't tell me to calm down, they took my son!"
Locke: "They didn't take Walt, the island took him"
Michael: "WTF are you talking about?! I swear if you don't shut up I will put your ass back in that wheelchair"
Locke: "We're not alone here..."
Jack interruping: "No shit sherlock!"
Locke: "We must follow what the island tell us to get your son back Michael"
Sayid: "Screw that, I say we just go into the jungle and find the others and that creepy kid"
All: "Yeah" "Good idea"
kate: "Well I'm coming with you"
Sawyer: "I'll go to, I don't care about dying or anything for that matter"
Jack, putting himself back in charge: "Allright, it's settled. Me, Sayid, Michael, Sawyer, Kate and Locke will go into the jungle to find them. Charlie, you stay here with Claire, Jin, Sun, Hurley and the other people that don't get speaking rolls."
Charlie: "Can I have a gun?"
Sayid: "Shut up Charlie and go snort some coke"
Charlie, grabbing his virgin Mary: "OK"

Cut to the group hiking through the woods.
Jack: "Hey Locke, what did you see yesterday when you looked face to face with the moster"
Locke: "Oh it was beautiful"
Jack: "Yeah, but what WAS it"
Locke: "The island Jack"
Group groans
Sayid: "Hey Locke, we all know you're a box salesman. Stop trying to act all philosophical and shit"
Locke, looking down at his shoes "Sorry. It was a chain around my legs. I'm not sure where it came from"

Suddenly, a man comes out of the woods. He's carrying a maragrita and a surf board.
Sawyer yelling: "Hey!! Who the hell are you?!"
Man: "Dude, no need to yell. My name is Ashton"
kate: "Ashton Kutcher?"
Ashton: "Yep, that's me"
Jack, looking very confused: "What are you doing here"
Ashton: "I'm here for a rest. I'm having life issues right now"
Locke: "But the island...."
Ashton: "Hey man, I gotta motor. If you wanna talk to the resort manager he's just a mile west of here"
Ashton waves and walks away

Group mumbles, Jack takes control again: "Lets go find this guy"
The group of happy wanders walks a mile to the west. They suddenly see a huge resort. They are stunned and see a sign that says TREATMENT MANAGER. They follow the sign. They come across a man.
Jack: "Who are you and what is this place?"
Man: "I'm Steve, I run this place. The Home Away From Home Treatment Center"
Jack: "HUH??"
Steve: "You were all brought here. The plane crash was no accident. I shot down the plane with a rocket"
Locke: "Are you God? Is this heaven?"
Steve: "Lord no. I was contacted by members of your family. They were worried about you. I arranged for you all to be on the same flight so I could crash the plane and check you into therapy."
Sawyer: "WHAT!"
Steve: "Yeah, sorry for the confusion. See after you crashed we couldn't find you right away. Then you all got freaked out and shot one of our hosts Ethan, so we decided to let you find us.
Kate: "what do you mean treatment facility?"
Steve: "Just what it sounds like. We treat all types of vices. From your killing sprees to Hurleys over eating, Jacks family issues and Lockes denial about his paralysis. We stranded you here for help.
Sayid: "But what is Ashton Kutcher doing here?"
Steve: "Well Ashton is having some lady issues. See, he thinks he is 40 and dates old ladies. Yesterday we caught him spanking the monkey to Golden Girls. He's a difficult case"
Michael: "But where is MY SON!!"
Steve: "Oops, sorry about that. See we just had Michael Jackson check in and his handlers went around looking for young boys to play with him.
Micheal: "NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!"
Steve: "He's OK, we got to him fast enough"
Michael: "whew, thank god"
Locke: "but what about the monster on the island, it's magical! And the big boat in the midlle of dry land"
Steve: "The monster?? Oh, you must be talking about the new resort Disney is opening here. They have been working on the Pirates of the Carribean ride all week. Lots of machines and chains strewn around. Shit, sometimes it looks like tress are flying out of the ground! They even have a huge boat built called the Black rock! There are hatches to the attractions all around here"
Jack: "Ohhh"
Locke: "But what about the black smoke, that was magic"
Steve" No, sorry. Just the 3rd monday of the month Luau and pig roast"
Jack: "so it's all real and not some supernatural power"
Steve: "Fraid so! Now let's get you and the others back on the beach into your tooms and let the treatment start. That one girl that slept with her brother needs help NOW and the oriental couple needs marriage counseling bad!"

THE END!